Running on Empty

With a combination of disappointment and relief, I canceled my registration for the Blue Mountain 30k today. I said it was because of my hip injury, but that is not the entire truth.

The other day I forced myself to go out and run the first part of the course, even though my hip still didn't feel great. I felt so much fatigue throughout my entire body, it was ridiculous. However, it was a fantastically beautiful course and when I was finished with the approximately 10 miles that I ran, I felt better than I have for a long time. But it didn't last.

Lately, I have been experiencing these strange and terrible symptoms, that may be related to my under-active thyroid, or may be part of a sleep disorder, the worst of these being that I can't sleep through the night, and I feel like passing out at random intervals throughout the day. The truth is, I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 7 years, since I had my first child. Well, maybe I've had a couple. But that's not enough.

So I went to the doctor the other day and I am awaiting some test results. Meanwhile, I barely have enough energy to drive my car, much less train for a long run. I got into my car to leave the doctor's office and the empty gas tank light came on. It was like a light bulb over my head. For years now, I have been running on empty. Now I am literally beginning to stall out.

I've also been reading this great non-fiction book, "Racing Weight," by Matt Fitzgerald. It's about getting in the best condition you can for competing. For years I've wished for a book like this. Because when (if) I ever mention to anyone that I am interested in changing my diet to lose a couple of pounds, people invariably say, "you don't need to lose any weight," even if they haven't seen me in 20 years. They just assume that I must be super fit because I run so much. And I am very strong. But a lot of the time I don't feel so good, and I do have a spare tire, albeit a small one, that I would like to get rid of.

So the other day I had another big "aha" moment. I never count calories, but I was checking out the nutritional content of what I eat and the caloric information was there too, so I took a lot at it. I realized that I am not consuming nearly enough calories, even if all I did was sit at a desk all day. Furthermore, I've been starving for years. It's a wonder my body has been able to perform at all, much less run 1/2 and full marathons.

And so I have come to the conclusion that I have been starving and sleep-deprived for years, and I desperately need to put an effort into recovering before I can train for any long runs. Running is still my exercise of choice. But I need to cut back on my training for now, and focus on some other things like strength training, yoga, etc.

In a way it is a big disappointment. The Blue Mountain 30k is a beautiful and challenging course and I hope to run it someday, maybe with Jim. But in another way, it is exciting to think about the future. If I have been able to do so much with so little sleep and food, just imagine what I can do fully restored!

The hip strikes again

What is it about signing up for a big race that makes me get injured? I only signed up for it because I was feeling sooo good, then I went for that long road run the other day (not even that long), and I've been suffering ever since. I hate road running! So yesterday I was supposed to run but I was really busy then I took the puppy out for a walk and realized that I could still run if I wanted to, I just didn't want to. I've been feeling really really ridiculously tired, like there's not enough coffee in the world. And my hip has been aching.

I thought maybe I just needed another day off but since Jim has to work all weekend, I won't be able to run again until Monday. Turns out that's probably ok because I think my hip might be messed up again. I am thankful that I had the sense to listen to my body this time and rest yesterday, instead of running. But I can still hear it today and it is saying there is something wrong.

This race (Blue Mt. 30k) was to be my last hoorah before I took two months off from running. I had decided that I would take off November and December from any kind of training, just run whenever I really felt like it. I am looking forward to doing some other kind of exercise and giving my running muscles a break. This hip thing has been a problem for me all year, and I wonder if it will be my running downfall. I will rest for the weekend and see how I feel on Monday.

First day of school

Because yesterday was my first day of freedom - the kids both in school - of course I went for a long run. I went on the road because I wanted to go down to the school and visit my kindergartener for his lunch. I haven't done a long run on the road in a long time, and now I remember why.

Road running hurts. It is so jarring, pounding your feet into pavement for mile upon mile. When I left the house I realized I had just enough time to get there, running at my usual slow pace. No messing around. So I pushed myself just a little bit harder than I otherwise would have, not letting myself slack off when I felt like being lazy. Instead of being a few minutes late, as I thought I might, I was five minutes early. Wow. Either my math is really bad, or I ran pretty fast (for me).

I felt good. But after visiting my sons at school for lunch for an hour, it was time to run 7 miles home. My hip had started to ache. I forgot to stretch before leaving the house then pushed myself. So I stretched more, rested and drank more water, on the way back, and was quite a bit slower. But still a good pace for me.

I don't think that is a run I'm going to continue to do on a regular basis. It was pretty painful by the end, especially my right foot. I mistakenly wore my "seven mile shoes." I really like these Cascadia trail shoes, but after about 7 miles, they always make my foot hurt. I'm not sure if I can really blame the shoes though. I think it is my toe. I have this one toe that is permanently curled and it can be painful to run on...I've seriously thought about getting it intentionally broken so that it will heal back straight.

I fell asleep soon after the exhausted kindergartener last night, my right side aching. I'm much better today, a little stiff, but I'm going to go walk it off with the puppy on this lovely rainy September day.

Oh yeah, with all the excitement about the kids going to school, I almost forgot to mention that I signed up for the Blue Mountain 30k, (18.6 miles) a trail run on October 3rd. I'm pretty excited about it because it sounds like a great race on challenging terrain, and I've been feeling pretty good. AND I have time to really train. I can run anytime that I want while the kids are in school. Whoo hoo! That said, I'll be taking a rest day from running today.

running with it

OK so I get back to Montana, and I'm really psyched to run in this fantastic place that I call home. The weather is great. But I go out for my first run and I'm totally lethargic and made of lead. Then I try it again in a couple of days and I am flying, light as air, feet barely touching the ground.

It is just amazing to me that, after all this time I've lived in this body, it is still unpredictable to me how I'm going to feel on a run. But I am so thankful for those moments that catch me by surprise and remind me why I keep on running, even if I have a bad day now and then. It's because the good days are SO GOOD, they make it all worthwhile. Kind of like parenting, and life in general.

I've been very non-committed to running lately, waiting until both the kids are in school before I make any kind of training plan or even bother to set any goals. And so far, I like it that way.

Getting Grounded

I love Montana so much, whenever I fly back home, tears come to my eyes when I look down and see the mountains surrounding Missoula. But it still takes a while to re-acclimate myself after being back east. The cool, dry mountain air is so refreshing after the heat and humidity of NY and Ohio. Still, my first run after we got back I didn't feel so good. Then the next day I went for a very nice short run. I feel like I am finally back.

I have missed the feel of the earth beneath my feet. Even when we ran on "trails" in Ohio, they were paved. Knowing this would be the case, I brought my road-running shoes with me on the trip. I really missed my next-to-nothing New Balance trail shoes. Running with them on trails is about as close as I can get to running barefoot. My feet had begun to hurt from running on pavement. While it may be that people are meant to run barefoot, we are certainly not meant to run on pavement.

I missed the tall Ponderosa pine, the cool alpine desert/forest terrain. I missed that quiet alone time when I run for an hour and see no other humans, just maybe a deer or two. I do look forward to the day that the new puppy, Arrow, will be able to go for these runs with me though.

Arrow has surprising bursts of energy between naps. The other day we took advantage of one of these bursts to see how he would do on a walk to the creek (1/4 mile?). It was awesome! We have since gone on several walks of about the same distance, and he shows no sign of tiring. He is very smart and agile and stays right with us. Except, the other day when we got distracted by a snake and he decided to keep on going home without us. We were looking for him for a while before we thought to go all the way back to the house, where he sat calmly in the yard, waiting for us. Yup, he's a keeper.

Home Sweet Montana

After some travel delays, we finally arrived home on Tuesday evening. After leaving my father's, we met up with Jim at his mom's in Cleveland. While there, I went for a run every other day, and one day played Ultimate Frisbee with the family. We played kids vs. adults and the kids kicked our butts. Of course they had two superstar runners on their team, young  miss Riley who can do a 20 min 5K and Joey who no one can beat - he'll be a freshman this year and may be on Varsity track.

One day Jim and I went for a long run, but I ended up walking the last part back to the house because the humidity was killing me. Another day I got to run with one of Jim's sisters, Becky, who does triathlons. The hardest part for me was all the sidewalk and pavement running. I missed the trails! But I resigned myself to maintenance running and was just happy to have survived the vacation without too much laziness and gluttony.

One of the best parts about coming home is that we finally got to get a puppy. The kids have been asking for a puppy since before Wesley died, and we told them we had to wait until one of our dogs passed away (thinking that Josie, who is old and has some health issues, would be the first to go). But we have learned that life doesn't always work out the way you expect it to, and we lost Wesley first. Since then we have talked a lot about the next dog we want to get.

We really wanted a dog that would be a nice, friendly family dog, who wouldn't scare people the way Wesley sometimes did. We wanted a smart dog with lots of energy to go for runs with us, and play with the boys. We talked a lot about different breeds that would be good for us. As much as I love the idea of rescuing a shelter dog, we really wanted to get a puppy that we could train ourselves, and because kids just love puppies. The week before we left for our trip, we found the perfect situation/dog for us. The day before we left, we went and picked out our puppy, Arrow.

Arrow's mom was rescued from a shelter in Idaho, very pregnant with him and his 8 siblings. (See story and pictures HERE.) No one knows who his father is, but he is a smart and good looking pup. We picked him up the day after we got home.

Arrow's first night here was a little rough. He was crying, alone in an unfamiliar place, so I went downstairs and cuddled with him on the couch. By the second night, he was comfortable in his bed underneath my desk, his own private little cubby. He has been exploring the yard a little bit at a time and has ventured as far as the chicken coop. He is particularly interested in the chickens, who make lots of noise and run when they see him. Josie growls at him, and yet seems happier now that he is here, so I think that she will eventually accept him. The cat, Fernando, has been sneaking past him, so that she knows that he is here, but he didn't know that she was here until this morning when they met up on the stairs. It will take a while, but I think they will eventually be friends too, like she was with Cody and Wesley.

It will be a while before he can be a running, or even walking partner, for me, but I think he's going to be a good one and I'm willing to wait. He has quickly become a part of the family and we look forward to many years with our new friend.

Concrete Jungle

While visiting my father in Rochester, NY, I have gone for a couple of little runs. The first was a very short one on my first morning here, then yesterday I went for a bit longer. Even longer than I'd meant to.

I do prefer to run on trails and in parks, etc., and am used to running in the woods where dangerous wildlife life and can be seen, but most of them prefer not to be seen, and will hide when they sense my approach. The city is a much different experience. My father lives in the suburb of Irondequoit, an area of manicured lawns and lush flora. However, only blocks away the scenery changes dramatically.

I chose to run from the house instead of driving to a park, in order to save time. My father showed me a route on the map that would be about 5 miles. I thought I knew where I was going, but I didn't realize that Clifford turns into Empire. Because I was looking for Empire, I missed my turn and just kept running, right into the city.

The neighborhoods were quickly going downhill (boarded up windows, lack of lawns, etc.) but I kept expecting to run into Empire, continuing on, thinking it would be the next light or the next...I saw some young black men standing on the street corner and figured the best thing to do would be to confidently run right by them, but I startled one of them so badly when I came up behind him he said "whoa girl, I almost started running myself."

Soon I saw signs for "Marketview" and "Beechwood," neighborhoods I'd read about in the paper before, usually in some story about a shooting or something equally unpleasant, and I knew I was definitely in the wrong place. So I asked a young woman who was walking down the street if she knew where Empire was, and she had no clue. It was time to turn around. Finally, I saw some white people out on a corner, selling the Sunday paper. I asked them for directions and they sent me on my way.

It is an unsettling feeling being the minority in another culture. The people I saw were not used to seeing a little white woman jogging through their neighborhood. It was a good thing it was Sunday morning, I suppose. As I ran back to my father's house, I noticed the neat, mowed lawns, then realized I was noticing lawns, not just mowed. It was really strange to me to see how much the neighborhoods changed in such a short distance. There is a line there, between cultures, and I had crossed it, but most people here usually don't.

So everything turned out fine, and I ended up going for a 6-7 mile run instead of the 5 miler I'd intended, but I am still bothered by the contrast that I saw, the disparity between these two cultures that exist side by side but never mix, the wealth next to the poverty, and the huge difference between this place and where I live.