Frozen

I have not been running or writing. Winter has found me, frozen.

Hibernation

So it has been nearly two months since I've posted. One reason is that my hard drive crashed, again, and I had to get a new one. It was under warranty though, so all it cost me was postage. And, for the past couple of weeks (or so?) I have not been running at all. It started with the snow.

In the past I have continued running in the snow, but this year I have been much more focused on my wellness in general, and not trying to continue to push myself regardless of the weather. This has a lot to do with my anemia. It took me a long time to start feeling better, then when I finally was, I stopped taking my iron supplement. It is really expensive, and I thought that if I was feeling better, I didn't need it anymore. But I was wrong.

I started feeling all the symptoms of anemia again recently and so started on the iron supplement again. I have barely felt like walking, much less running. Part of me misses running, and another part really doesn't care. Mostly I just want to sleep.

I think it is natural for people who live in cold climates to want to hibernate in the winter. It is dark, it is cold. We just want to eat and sleep and cuddle up under heavy blankets until the sun comes out again. I'm just going with it. Hopefully I will start feeling well again and will begin training, and do the "Snowjoke" 1/2 marathon in the end of February. For now, I'll put another log on the fire and wait.

Spent a little time on the mountain...

Jim got back last Saturday night from his 50-mile race none the worse for wear (he did it in 8 hours, 35 minutes). He was "a little stiff" the next morning, but by Tuesday, he was ready to go for a little run with me. We ended up doing more than either of us meant to, I think, just because it was a convenient place to run. We ran up Mount Jumbo, past the "L," to a great view of the Missoula valley. It was steep and challenging enough that we had to walk parts of it. Then, on the way down, we realized we only had five minutes to make it down (had to meet up with someone) and it was at least a mile. But, it was DOWN. So I thought I would run it as fast as I could, which was exhilarating. I knew though, as my legs started feeling jelly-like, that I would be sore afterwards.

Jim, on the other hand, never complained of any soreness at all. When asked, however, he did say that his quads ached a little. I was surprised that this time he didn't even seem as ravenous as he has in the past after 50-milers. Maybe that was because I anticipated it this time, and kept putting all this delicious homemade food in front of him before he even had time to think that he was hungry again.

Here is a man who was clearly born to run. I am inspired by him and wish that I could do what he does, but, well, we can't all be Jim. For now I've just got to be thankful that I'm no longer having dizzy spells just driving my car, and that I can run at all.

The road to recovery

After two and a half weeks of iron supplementation, I am really starting to feel better. The weird dizzy, weak spells have all but completely gone away. I've even woken up the last couple of days feeling well-rested. My diet is still not as good as it should be, but I'm working on it. It is really difficult to eat as much food as I am supposed to. And it is hard to remember to take my vitamin supplements, iron, calcium, and fish oil. Geesh.

I've been trying not to think about running in any kind of organized way, that is, not training for anything. But I have been running every other day for at least a week now, and feeling okay, but not great. One of the hardest things is training my mind. As an athlete, I've pushed myself, tried to ignore my body so that I could push harder and improve my fitness. The thing is, people always say to listen to your body, but they never tell you which part of your body to listen to. My brain is the most outspoken part of my body and it can really confuse me sometimes.

Last weekend Jim went to get some new shoes for his big race (Le Grizz 50-mile) this weekend. At the running store, we ran into an old friend of ours, Fran Zelenitz, who had just finished the Blue Mountain 30k - the race I was supposed to do. I don't know why, but for some reason the fact that the race was over made me feel like it's time for me to be done resting. Time to start training again. But for what?

The truth is I don't think I will be training for any organized race for a while, what with winter coming on and all. I've just got to focus on getting and staying healthy and strong, and set my sights on next year.

Running makes me feel good. Or at least better

It has been nearly two weeks now since I went to the doctor and found out that I am anemic. I've been working on eating more food, and of better quality, and I'm sure that is making me feel better. I am also taking vitamin and iron supplements. I've had a couple of "good" days, where I don't feel like total crap, but for the most part, I still feel pretty wonky.

One thing that has helped -  *surprise surprise* - is running. The doctor suggested I cut back on the long runs and that was not a problem since I was completely exhausted, but each time that I have gone for a run, it has made me feel infinitely better.

While having both of the kids in school all day has been nice, it hasn't turned out to be the vacation I'd dreamed of all those years. There is still lots to do all day, and the time just flies by. Before I know it, it is time to go pick them up again. However, it has miraculously worked out that the past two Wednesdays (today and last), Jim and I have been able to go for a run together.

Running with Jim is so fantastic because we get to have time together, to have an uninterrupted conversation, and we really hash things out, the way I do in my own mind when I'm by myself. And I run faster and further than I would have if I was on my own (he runs slower and shorter, I'm sure). Jim is currently tapering his training for the Le Grizz, a 50 mile run that he is doing in about a week and a half.

So there we are, running along, and I start to feel like shit. He says, go ahead and turn back if you want to, I'll meet you at home. But I push myself to stay with him. I wonder if this is out of some insane desire to compete or at least keep up with Jim, one which I seem to have been doing, unsuccessfully, for about 15 years now (rock climbing, hiking, judo, kickboxing...), or am I just afraid of running into a bear all by myself? In any case, I feel much better when we are done, and I guess that's what really matters.

Good news! I'm anemic!

Why, you may ask, is this GOOD news? Because it is a lot easier to deal with than some of the other things that could have been wrong with me. Anemia explains it all. And all I have to do is eat better (which I have been working on anyway) and take an iron supplement. Plus I still need to get more sleep.

I was also advised to cut back on my running mileage until I can get my iron levels back up to a normal level. Which is fine with me. It was so hard to run with all-over body fatigue, feeling like I was about to pass out. It is not surprising to me that I am anemic, since I don't eat red meat and I have already admitted to not eating nearly enough of the right things.

While reading Racing Weight, I've realized that by not eating enough, I have been actually sabotaging myself. I don't have enough energy, and lack of the right foods at the right times has caused my metabolism to slow down, making it even harder to reach my goals.

So I'm pretty excited. I like knowing what the problem is and what I can do about it - I like that there is something I can do about it. I am excited about the future, being stronger and healthier than ever.

Running on Empty

With a combination of disappointment and relief, I canceled my registration for the Blue Mountain 30k today. I said it was because of my hip injury, but that is not the entire truth.

The other day I forced myself to go out and run the first part of the course, even though my hip still didn't feel great. I felt so much fatigue throughout my entire body, it was ridiculous. However, it was a fantastically beautiful course and when I was finished with the approximately 10 miles that I ran, I felt better than I have for a long time. But it didn't last.

Lately, I have been experiencing these strange and terrible symptoms, that may be related to my under-active thyroid, or may be part of a sleep disorder, the worst of these being that I can't sleep through the night, and I feel like passing out at random intervals throughout the day. The truth is, I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 7 years, since I had my first child. Well, maybe I've had a couple. But that's not enough.

So I went to the doctor the other day and I am awaiting some test results. Meanwhile, I barely have enough energy to drive my car, much less train for a long run. I got into my car to leave the doctor's office and the empty gas tank light came on. It was like a light bulb over my head. For years now, I have been running on empty. Now I am literally beginning to stall out.

I've also been reading this great non-fiction book, "Racing Weight," by Matt Fitzgerald. It's about getting in the best condition you can for competing. For years I've wished for a book like this. Because when (if) I ever mention to anyone that I am interested in changing my diet to lose a couple of pounds, people invariably say, "you don't need to lose any weight," even if they haven't seen me in 20 years. They just assume that I must be super fit because I run so much. And I am very strong. But a lot of the time I don't feel so good, and I do have a spare tire, albeit a small one, that I would like to get rid of.

So the other day I had another big "aha" moment. I never count calories, but I was checking out the nutritional content of what I eat and the caloric information was there too, so I took a lot at it. I realized that I am not consuming nearly enough calories, even if all I did was sit at a desk all day. Furthermore, I've been starving for years. It's a wonder my body has been able to perform at all, much less run 1/2 and full marathons.

And so I have come to the conclusion that I have been starving and sleep-deprived for years, and I desperately need to put an effort into recovering before I can train for any long runs. Running is still my exercise of choice. But I need to cut back on my training for now, and focus on some other things like strength training, yoga, etc.

In a way it is a big disappointment. The Blue Mountain 30k is a beautiful and challenging course and I hope to run it someday, maybe with Jim. But in another way, it is exciting to think about the future. If I have been able to do so much with so little sleep and food, just imagine what I can do fully restored!